To 0 to infinity

Make my heart whole again

come to me hold my hand.

Walk 12 passes tell me once,

tell a thousand times,

I want to hear it from you sweetheart.

I want to feel your presence

every moment of my life

Take breakfast with you

wishing  u good morning.

you mean the whole world to me

to a to z, to 0 to infinity.

I want you near me

think about the great times will have.

It’s a pleasure I admire you,

you got something noble, special

and I really love you.

Hundred miles plus -minus 2,

I stare at the moon I stare at you,

searching for those eyes

I get sidetracked,it’s never easy for my,

you deserve better than that.

I give you all that I have

and a little more,

I give you my heart, my soul.

Please don’t walk all over it.

Without you I am in cardiac arrest

perform CPR or else I’m dead.

Volume: ,,She”

I am looking for a job abroad,if you can offer me a job,please contact me at crackerdemeter@yahoo.com.thanks.




Volume: ,,She”

Years 08”-10” The Search

Never knowing what is going to happen, it always stalks you finding you, you never know when is going to happen, in 08” it happened.

         I thought it was a dream, I thought that she was real…

I went through hell and back,through  fire, humiliation and total chaos, on uncharted grounds I found myself carrying a guilt….I wanted her, wanted her love, her sweet voice telling me great words…

         It all went wrong ended up bad. The hero after all he went through, taking up all the challenges wins, but never gets his prize.

I dreamt of her, I saw her walking; I wanted…I ran to her, but I never could reach her, she looked back smiled…and I never could

         She haunts me, she kills me, only I want her, she is the embodiment of eternity.

             08” The Distress Call

I listened to her message thousands of times, I wanted to help her.

In the Void I saw her again, she called me by my name: ,, My soldier J.D. come to me..”, told me that she loved me..

I stud right next to her, I felt her voice, her touches vibrating in my heart

            I went  through hell and back, only to find out that she died.

  I followed a chimera all this time, I followed her…she was so real….she was alive.

        I dropped to my knees, I started asking myself:,, Am I crazy? “,, Where is She? “ I was alone this whole time, but it can’t be, she was here with me, that beautiful girl, her calm voice, her sweet voice….

“You truly live only when you found your soul mate”

Demeter Szilard

Lost on a paved road

Someday it will end

hopefully very soon…

I’m starting to hate you

get out of my way.

2 years patiently waiting

it ends now, your to blame,

It’s your fault, you killed me!,

and I forgotten my fault.

Adina see you never again,

Goodbye., we never gonna be friends

It’s the end, I hate you,

is this what you wanted?

Now you got it.

Don't walk away

I want to hold your hand and smile,

even just for a little while,

it will seem like  an eternity.

Wish I could be with you…

you walked into my heart,

knocked on the door, I let you in.

I sang you a melody of love,

I offered you my heart.

I offered you a world,

our very own world

just me and you, nobody else.

Now you say goodbye Szilard?

Don’t walk away now.

Smile, please just smile

I want to remember you, as you where:

That beautiful girl

who stolen my heart,

God She is awesome….

She is the girl, with who I fallen in love.

My Saturday

something new :P trying something called (by me) "explain one day"

Waking up, my phone is ringing,

one of my friends calling..

“Hey man do you have a printer?

Yeah  I  do, but it’s outta ink

Go see if the Xerox machine,

in that store near you works.”

Then  he calls again…

35 minutes of talking, nice wakeup call man.

Getting up from my bed, going into the kitchen

making breakfast…smells awesome,

 and goes straight  down with a

nice cup of hot tea.

News on Tv ,Ohh…gotta  be kidding..politics!

Changing channel ...Saint Scott, not again!

Starting my pc..bip..bip..Let’s see:

Messenger is on, I’m available,

I’m talking with a girl:

“Nice Szili,I like what you wrote…

Well thanks Cattie ,thanks again for you help and support.

She is really nice, miss independent…

Open-minded warm hearted.

Going outside, where is my comrade?

Aaa their he is, come here boy...

The most dearest and funniest friend,

my german shepherd …. Akela.

Come on boy, go fetch the ball!!!

Yeah,yeah you thought about that a lot?

Ehh…what can I say smart dog,

I love him so much.

Then I equip, and leaving my house,

going to the gym,

people everywhere…they don’t stop and stare,

always in a rush, running back and fourth.

Cars making that annoying noise.

Entering the gym ,Ohh Saint Scott…I need a HAZMAT suit

It’s full with somekind of smoke!

Leaved early..two sweet girls passing by me,

turning my head, looking….I’m naughtyJ

Ooops they looked to…

kinda blushing I don’t know what to do,

waving my hand my hand, hello nice seeing you.

I called my friend:”let’s meet man,

right now I’m heading back.”

My friend let’s call him Hive,

rushing  to a party somewhere in Cluj.

Good bye.

Arriving home, washing my hands,

it’s 6 o’clock, time for me to make desert ,

and some solid food :P .

My mom arrives “Nice cake Szilard”

Staying with her 2 hours, laughing and joking,

than going to my room…I’m planning…

Sunday maybe I go climbing…

It’s not up to me, where is my friend from Alba,

He isn’t calling me, okay another weekend…

Good morning :P

What’s our purpose?

Today I stud in front of the porch,

all kinda thoughts, made me feel  unsecure.

Where is the world heading now?

I don’t want to be a part of it.

What’s our purpose?,  of being here,

To be alive? Well, we all pretty much act dead!

To be human? We are experts on that.

We don’t give a crap.

To find our mates?(loved ones)surely that’s a joke,

we cheat each-other in any given occasion(time).

I’m The Bad Guy?

FOR TELLING THE TRUTH?

My dreams slowly fade away…

as like  my place in the upcoming future,

“I like modesty. It’s our basic virtue,

a virtue of courage, in a world sooo dark blue.” My own  quote

People they don’t want to know,

when you buy a new firm shoe.

I don’t like crowded places,

because I’m unsure,

they all got something with me,

It’s like strange…spooky.

I try to evade, using a self defense technique,

blend in with a few.

People are funny, and I am too,

I have self-respect, I have dignity!

They try to make me,

join the other side,

keep telling them, if I lose what I’ve got,

then I am dead.

All those fancy girls, and gangster boys,

with their high-maintenance romance.

I’m excluded, why?

Because I have principles!

I am not false, just plane natural.

Kids aged 18 driving a BMW 7 series,

me with my 2 seated toy wagon, one man power,

kinda feeling like the big boys do*.

Parking it, on one square feet..I’m screwed.

I’m sorry, that I am not perfect!

Sorry if my car is not yet produced!

Sorry if my family isn’t perfect!

I am sorry for everything that might cause harm.

Like  I said, did nothing right in two decades,

feeling kind unworthy to be living…

Where are my 15 minutes of glory?

Where is my change to prove-myself….

That I’m just a man who wants

To  be your friend. 

Subtle

All those subtle flavors…

I can feel you’

A thousand times, always different,

you’re the one that makes it worth living.

I hate saying goodbyes

Time is measured in passes...

I love sharing with you

all the passes that I’ve got,

until my heart goes kuku on the clock.

Take my hand, take me somewhere old,

every moment with you it’s new, you told….

Let’s enlist together in the battlefield of love,

time can’t bother us.

Incomprehensible  thoughts?

Even do I hear the same words everyday,

even do your smiles eventually fades away,

I will love you in a similar way

And wait forever and a day...



"time is something precious,I realized that today " quote by D.Sz :)

Portret of all,that's me

Read all about DEMI:

Best of luck

keeping up,

never a way out,

stuck in this mud.

Saved by the bell?

I say!

who am I?

I really proved that,

did nothing right,

not even third place

never taking it seriously,

damned if I'd be

I see...I realize,

where is that impulse

that I need?

I must change,change msyelf

I wanna be...

never mind...

I had my change,

it wasn't fare

this is life,

I must somehow survive.

Every walk in the public zone,

at the mercy of all who saw,

seeing me walk

they talk.

I listen,I know

and can guess precisely.

Oh God...

what a difficult child I must be!

Noble thought helping out,

why nobody helps me now?

"Keep up kid,your dead

not in trend,

never got the sts of a friend"

what did I do wrong???

I messed up ,I'm messed up

a hybrid!, cruel luck

dreaming of......

expensive movement

better of.

I think,I learn,no'ones concerned?

so I'm alone,no surprise!

I'm sincere

I always was,

in need of a joint heart

a warm hugg,

listen please...

it's that so hard,

asking patience,understanding

but no!!!

All of you judge,

if you were in my place?....

did u ever thought...

this kid is ripping himself appart!

why? it easy

trying to please...

all of you..it's tough!

exspecially

when you are alone,

nobody's coming in your rescue,

homie!

I wanna be different,

walking around with friends

I meant..

but now for me is sf.

the end.

I'm being paranoid,

I need a prescription drug

Vallium's great,

taking me in Alice's place

heck...I might be able to sit up straight!

but no it's a mistake!

here you sue a whore

for not giving it down

after she ate.

Walking in the reflector's light?

hey producer!!

that ain't right.

I opened your eyes?

great job

stilish cover-up

end now what?

Where is the love?

just hate...?

I often contemplate,

why should others be so damn great

as I said it's hard for me,

even to walk out,

than I'm always polite

nice to people

and they think that I'm their slave?

wtf????!!

always helping 

offering my soul

they say.... 

my heart is worth not much

equivalent with a kilo of dust

they say I'm stupid,dunce

a weird kid,because I have...

compassion!?

I'm a man, not a child!

they are crazy!

probably.

care to judge me?

Time is running out

hiting soon twenty,

life is ending

what did I done in 

two decades?

you tell me!

God!I .... you

get over those.

My friends...

are they any??

they are acting actors,on a thin stage

thinking...

"O my God,I'm sooo great

the world gravitates around me

I am educated in street

Ima like gansta

mami where are my jujubeams?"

nice perspective slick.

Maybe they are wankstas

the only thing gravitating around them,

is their hands in their crouch

they are men?Hot damn!

Kids with big mouths...

but get to the point:

I always shown 

a great interest for you,

not interesed in me?

please...

you want cl klasz?-& George Clooney?

I'm sorry!

I don't got a huge pocket 

full of money,

I can't offer you much

only my heart,

my full attention and

best wishes of luck.

I am not one of those

high class trendy

man-whores( =)) )

who can amaze you

with their false words,

I'm not gansta, nor a star

I'm just a boy

who likes you more,

but ur cold!,

you want someone else?

the best of the best

okay

I got it.I alywas got it

I'm not like the rest.

Forgive me...

you won,now your happy?

you'd better be

I would never be...

God,you did more damage

to me

than an I.E.D.

I'm downright depressive.

Maybe a little Vallium

with a shot of wkisky,

or something more cheap

like homemade moonshine

and a copuld of sleeping pills...

I dream of you,

you dream of me?

of course not,

for you and for all

I'm nothing more than

a surpluss.

It took me,more then 2hours

wrote it on my cell

it's 2 a.m.

you'd better say something

or else I go crazy,

c'mon,it's not that hard

at least fake it,

show that you care

please...?

She knows that this is for her

have a great week!

show them no mercy.

A couple of stubborn kids

never stopped you,

they never did.

A way out?

Come after me,
show me the way
************
guidance,
thru trust and obedience!
Who am I kidding?
waiting for a bitter end!
Who am I fooling?
asking(pretty please)for a chance!
there's no hope,
no happy end! :(

Just alone,on my own
trespassing, on a forbidden zone,
seeking a way out from the blizzard storm,
but you'r white,you'r camouflaged!
I'm not able to see you,
But I least I know:
that you'r out here,somewhere too.

And if I get lost,
it's gonna be,my own damn fault,
because I'didn't treasured you enough,
nobody's coming to my rescue!
...this is faith?God bless....I knew....


" we already have a definition...
it's short,easy and simple...
which explains the need(reason*)
to search(look*)for a more intricate,
complex word....
we humans we don't appreciate simple,
precious words  or moment's
*** one day
we are here,the next we're gone-forgotten,
...but it's always somebody,
who spoils the whole thing " J.D.Sz.

the lost embrace

Your presence,
your sweet smile,
beautiful hair,
that awesome eyes
those moves,gestures and lullabies,
your voice,and calculated speeches,
and that slightly indiference,
I miss all,and I miss you
miss those best days with you.
I want to get to know you
with one step at a time,
and I see,I feel,I know
I can't hide it anymore.

"And if I could draw
I'd draw you,
on the ceiling of my heart
and you'd be the first and last,
to feel my rhythm of life" quote J.D.Szilard

Come around

Come around

I wish I could die
holding your hands
feelin' you tremble,
as you assist me
on my last stand
would it be enough
hearing my last words?
words that reffer to you
my dearist...
I bleed,I cry,I scream,I die!
My allegiance to you
is eternal,I don't lie!

But you can't stand near my grave
without crying everyday,
bringin'me flowers...paying a debt?
so you admit huh...
because of you I'm dead.

Feeling scarred,
that I will haunt you?
be sure of that,nobody escapes
nor me,nor you!
Having me on your conscience...
scary thought,ain't it?
How could you live your life
knowing that I'm dead
and your alive.

Nevertheless

I watched you smile,

almost daily I saw you pass by...

walking in a hurry..acting all so busy,

small steps,you never looked...

Who would have thought

that you've got,

your own personal stalker,

following up close...

you sure got yourself out of it,

that's more like it!

Interesting words

"The way I looked in your eyes?

looked at you?"

You were a beauty,

it's my fault?what could I done?

I was helpless,no wonder you left,

without taking a last goodbye

What did you thought?

"Hey shit another psycho,

I can't let this go to far!"

I'm sorry,I truly honestly am,

failed you,failed myself

a great start to finsh the end. :(

Nevertheless meaningless

After all, time bents,
slides wishes of fortune
nevertheless meaningless,
you dare to stand alone,
when wawes shatter the shore.
Like a castle of cards
you perish at the slightest touch,
beneath is nothing more
than that awesome silence,
constantly reminds me
how I dared to dream you!

I am a seeker,
searching my whole life,
I want to escape...
everyday is a struggle to maintain
this superficial act of survival,
seeing something that I like
but knowing that I can't have it,
boneshattering,heartbreaking...
you dare to judge me?
if you only knew..
what battles I fight with myself, in my head,
if only for a day,you take my place
you would end up bezerk,lost insane!

A platonic touch of a blind soul...

“Ea numaidecat o umbra  al jocului morbid,o  atingere platonica al sufletului orbit de iubire,dar lasat in voia sortii….extravaganta in plina ascensiune comsica,in plina formare  intr-o lume comuna,O forma supla ce ademeneste nefiinta in lumina,dar totusi pe cand se apropia| simtea el,acel gol  care ii apasa inima,subconstientul  realiza conexiunea iar el simtea acea atingere…..”

“Ea nu era mereu  in viziunea lui,Ea era o “liberta” un suflet pur dintr-o alta aparenta  inselatoare,se vedea in ochii Ei,era diferita,acea privire atenta,directa  mereu atintita asupra lui,el era confuz,si tot il intreba pe J.D.~pot sa am incredere in Ea?Ea nu este ca noi?!J.D pe un ton grav:Lasa-te  condus si uita,doar uita…El asculta sfatul,pasea, pentru ultima data s-a uitat in spate,vedea pe altcineva…se pare ca nu o cunoastea pana la urma,si isi continua drumul spre”oblivion”  :”

"stia ca o cunoaste...dar vedea reflectia...asupra caruia plana inevitabilul...mergea cu pasi repezi...dar Ea il urmarea..in somn,in vis in cosmare pe drum...Ea ii era alaturi,dar el simtindu-se cu acel fior,simturile dezertau,iar el se pierdu' pentru intotdeauna in lumea creata de el insusi"

Torn apart

sorry for my bad  handwriting...I was in a hurry:P,and sorry for the mistakes:) "come to an end" I yeah! but it was 4 a.m.!! and knowed-known

here is the clear version: but not corrected!!!!

                                                                      Torn apart

She is gone...

but she remains untouched

she never left,

her words are guiding us,

heavy on the soul,

it's hard to let go,

but I can't!I won't!

I tried,I knowed!

Sadly all things come to an end

time can't be stopped

loosen or forgot,

but you influenced us

in more ways than one,

nobody is winning

we all suffered a loss.

According to you

it's not the end

it's only the start,

things are about to change

in better to rough.

Deep inside smtg.ain't right

cold shivers empty heart,

a piece of me just torned apart,

will I ever be complete? 

I quess not.