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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Speechlessvoicesinsidemysoul and The essence of humanity and drawings + pictures

A voice inside my soul
telling me why I switched tones,
it descends from a higher platform.
You are calling me with a distant speechless voice...

You are my air, my fuel of life.
You are my spoken language.
You are that voice inside my soul,
that keeps telling me…
to let go….

The essence of humanity.

Old school romance of true love and desire,
my heart wants to be touched,
by the gentle… subtle flavor of affection,
and hover over a deep blue sky,
sparkled by the fireworks of cosmos,
walking in a field, filled with lily’s of the valley.

Even do I Know life’s not fair,
I believe in humanity, I have faith in people
maybe too much faith…
Where is that girl, who is waiting?
Whose heart is yours?
Life’s changing…
summer.. Our love is accepted,
autumns comes, our hearts emptying the remaining fuel
preserving the taste…
but spring liberates us
two hearts, one soul, pulsing together…
feeling’ the rhythm of life,
the essence of humanity.

desen facut de mine,vultur in stil egiptean,stil german nu nazi ,dar este un fel de transpunere vizuala palpabila al eului meu interior,fiecare semn fiecare obiect semnifica ceva, exp: arma cu luneta-chiar daca sunt un observator distant,vad chipurile de aproape al tuturor si le vad expresia,emotiile.
uniforma-reprezinta firea mea,mereu sunt intr-un "razboi" cu mine insumi,dar si ca sunt o pers.ordonata.
Crucea de fier-rep.curajul,faptul ca ma pot sacrifica pentru altii.
Capul de vultur camuflat-reprezinta lupta cu societatea actuala,teama de esec,mereu atent,vigilent,dar cu un simt dezvoltat,curajos,rational dar indiferent,perfectionist.
si etc.:P 

iar acest desen semnifica eliberarea sufleteasca si +

am incercat sa o fac cu cat mai multe detalii,
Am incercat sa desenez cat mai frumos,dar pana la urma tind sa cred ca nu perfectiunea desenului il face deosebit,original ci mai degraba imperfectiunea este cea care exprima adevarata frumusete.

iar restul sunt  just here-just now :P

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Shallow existence

Shallow existence
ascends upon me a blue aura,
crows in the trees taking shelter,
alone in the park
sitting on the bench,
it’s great..Peaceful, you can relax…
The weather is great,
My wristwatch ticks, it’s 7.38   
my eyes plays tricks,
shadows mislead me,
I’m surprised, a girl is coming
in my way… everything is black
I’m laughing; it couldn’t be the Grim Reaper.

Waiting…thinking …about my future
If I could pass the…a dream come true,
I could pursue my life’s wish…
After 5 minutes, my mind is blank
not a single thought, nothing,
I’m indifferent.
I want to learn to draw beautiful shapes
just raw art,
 I want to do something to feel involved.
I hope someone could help,
if not I will start from scratch,
all alone... I need a girl
who can understand…
the pleasure to create something
with your bare hand,
It’s a dying art,
the beginning of the end.

Monday, March 22, 2010

A dream ,Understand and photos

A dream

Lost in the night...
under clear blue sky,
combining dream with meditation
desire with reality.

On the horizon is light,
it reveals the dream,
begins the moment.
No line, no love song,
just a quiet whisper
said with a subtle gesture,
look.. I love you
I look into your eyes,
I hug you, and tell you:
wake up, baby
you do not exist
and I can not sleep.


Silent whisper touches my soul
Can I hear you once more?
Can I take your hand, can we go?
abandoned and alone....
Where is my path?
You don’t understand!
You’re the one that makes me
 feel right at home,
even do I’m miles away,
distant and cold,
I could catch a stray bullet
right in my chest, I could die,
but I’m always on your side!

Years could pass by,
 no one will notice,
just you and I.
You’re nice you’re sweet,
you complete me.
You are all that I want, to have and see.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

My Saturday

something new :P trying something called (by me) "explain one day"

Waking up, my phone is ringing,
one of my friends calling..
“Hey man do you have a printer?
Yeah  I  do, but it’s outta ink
Go see if the Xerox machine,
in that store near you works.”
Then  he calls again…
35 minutes of talking, nice wakeup call man.
Getting up from my bed, going into the kitchen
making breakfast…smells awesome,
 and goes straight  down with a
nice cup of hot tea.
News on Tv ,Ohh…gotta  be kidding..politics!
Changing channel ...Saint Scott, not again!
Starting my pc..bip..bip..Let’s see:
Messenger is on, I’m available,
I’m talking with a girl:
“Nice Szili,I like what you wrote…
Well thanks Cattie ,thanks again for you help and support.
She is really nice, miss independent…
Open-minded warm hearted.

Going outside, where is my comrade?
Aaa their he is, come here boy...
The most dearest and funniest friend,
my german shepherd …. Akela.
Come on boy, go fetch the ball!!!
Yeah,yeah you thought about that a lot?
Ehh…what can I say smart dog,
I love him so much.

Then I equip, and leaving my house,
going to the gym,
people everywhere…they don’t stop and stare,
always in a rush, running back and fourth.
Cars making that annoying noise.
Entering the gym ,Ohh Saint Scott…I need a HAZMAT suit
It’s full with somekind of smoke!
Leaved early..two sweet girls passing by me,
turning my head, looking….I’m naughtyJ
Ooops they looked to…
kinda blushing I don’t know what to do,
waving my hand my hand, hello nice seeing you.
I called my friend:”let’s meet man,
right now I’m heading back.”
My friend let’s call him Hive,
rushing  to a party somewhere in Cluj.
Good bye.

Arriving home, washing my hands,
it’s 6 o’clock, time for me to make desert ,
and some solid food :P .
My mom arrives “Nice cake Szilard”
Staying with her 2 hours, laughing and joking,
than going to my room…I’m planning…
Sunday maybe I go climbing…
It’s not up to me, where is my friend from Alba,
He isn’t calling me, okay another weekend…
Good morning :P

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Trying something else

I invite you to a tea

My creation

Hanging on:Fighting to survive

What’s our purpose?

Today I stud in front of the porch,
all kinda thoughts, made me feel  unsecure.
Where is the world heading now?
I don’t want to be a part of it.
What’s our purpose?,  of being here,
To be alive? Well, we all pretty much act dead!
To be human? We are experts on that.
We don’t give a crap.
To find our mates?(loved ones)surely that’s a joke,
we cheat each-other in any given occasion(time).

I’m The Bad Guy?
My dreams slowly fade away…
as like  my place in the upcoming future,
“I like modesty. It’s our basic virtue,
a virtue of courage, in a world sooo dark blue.” My own  quote
People they don’t want to know,
when you buy a new firm shoe.
I don’t like crowded places,
because I’m unsure,
they all got something with me,
It’s like strange…spooky.

I try to evade, using a self defense technique,
blend in with a few.
People are funny, and I am too,
I have self-respect, I have dignity!
They try to make me,
join the other side,
keep telling them, if I lose what I’ve got,
then I am dead.
All those fancy girls, and gangster boys,
with their high-maintenance romance.
I’m excluded, why?
Because I have principles!
I am not false, just plane natural.
Kids aged 18 driving a BMW 7 series,
me with my 2 seated toy wagon, one man power,
kinda feeling like the big boys do*.
Parking it, on one square feet..I’m screwed.
I’m sorry, that I am not perfect!
Sorry if my car is not yet produced!
Sorry if my family isn’t perfect!
I am sorry for everything that might cause harm.

Like  I said, did nothing right in two decades,
feeling kind unworthy to be living…
Where are my 15 minutes of glory?
Where is my change to prove-myself….
That I’m just a man who wants
To  be your friend. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

Memories of you

Memories of you
embedded in my conscience,
appears untouched
at least for now,
for a brief silent moment
our eyes collided, I never,
have thought, that I had
the courage, to watch, to stand up.
It was short, but gave me the will
to continue.
I known from the start
that I've haven't got a change,
nor the luck
to be friends, to talk...
It was once in a life time offer ,which I missed,
I should had been more alive.

I like the way you think…
So different,
I like the way you move,
never in a hurry
every time, I saw you, you weren't relaxed,
always being dragged,
asked... and sent to do that.
And you willingly accepted.
You went...
Are they still making you laugh?

Thursday, March 18, 2010


"surrounded by 360 degrees of white sound,
your voice is my lullaby,
even do you scream,your my chorus ,
without you I am condamned to a world of silence" quote by Demeter Szilard


All those subtle flavors…
I can feel you’
A thousand times, always different,
you’re the one that makes it worth living.
I hate saying goodbyes
Time is measured in passes...

I love sharing with you
all the passes that I’ve got,
until my heart goes kuku on the clock.
Take my hand, take me somewhere old,
every moment with you it’s new, you told….

Let’s enlist together in the battlefield of love,
time can’t bother us.
Incomprehensible  thoughts?
Even do I hear the same words everyday,
even do your smiles eventually fades away,
I will love you in a similar way

And wait forever and a day...

"time is something precious,I realized that today " quote by D.Sz :)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Portret of all,that's me

Read all about DEMI:

Best of luck
keeping up,
never a way out,
stuck in this mud.
Saved by the bell?
I say!
who am I?
I really proved that,
did nothing right,
not even third place
never taking it seriously,
damned if I'd be
I see...I realize,
where is that impulse
that I need?
I must change,change msyelf
I wanna be...
never mind...
I had my change,
it wasn't fare
this is life,
I must somehow survive.

Every walk in the public zone,
at the mercy of all who saw,
seeing me walk
they talk.
I listen,I know
and can guess precisely.
Oh God...
what a difficult child I must be!
Noble thought helping out,
why nobody helps me now?
"Keep up kid,your dead
not in trend,
never got the sts of a friend"
what did I do wrong???
I messed up ,I'm messed up
a hybrid!, cruel luck
dreaming of......
expensive movement
better of.
I think,I learn,no'ones concerned?
so I'm alone,no surprise!

I'm sincere
I always was,
in need of a joint heart
a warm hugg,
listen please...
it's that so hard,
asking patience,understanding
but no!!!
All of you judge,
if you were in my place?....
did u ever thought...
this kid is ripping himself appart!
why? it easy
trying to please...
all of's tough!
when you are alone,
nobody's coming in your rescue,
I wanna be different,
walking around with friends
I meant..
but now for me is sf.
the end.
I'm being paranoid,
I need a prescription drug
Vallium's great,
taking me in Alice's place
heck...I might be able to sit up straight!
but no it's a mistake!
here you sue a whore
for not giving it down
after she ate.
Walking in the reflector's light?
hey producer!!
that ain't right.
I opened your eyes?
great job
stilish cover-up
end now what?

Where is the love?
just hate...?
I often contemplate,
why should others be so damn great
as I said it's hard for me,
even to walk out,
than I'm always polite
nice to people
and they think that I'm their slave?
always helping 
offering my soul
they say.... 
my heart is worth not much
equivalent with a kilo of dust
they say I'm stupid,dunce
a weird kid,because I have...
I'm a man, not a child!
they are crazy!
care to judge me?
Time is running out
hiting soon twenty,
life is ending
what did I done in 
two decades?
you tell me!
God!I .... you
get over those.
My friends...
are they any??
they are acting actors,on a thin stage
"O my God,I'm sooo great
the world gravitates around me
I am educated in street
Ima like gansta
mami where are my jujubeams?"
nice perspective slick.

Maybe they are wankstas
the only thing gravitating around them,
is their hands in their crouch
they are men?Hot damn!
Kids with big mouths...
but get to the point:
I always shown 
a great interest for you,
not interesed in me?
you want cl klasz?-& George Clooney?
I'm sorry!
I don't got a huge pocket 
full of money,
I can't offer you much
only my heart,
my full attention and
best wishes of luck.
I am not one of those
high class trendy
man-whores( =)) )
who can amaze you
with their false words,
I'm not gansta, nor a star
I'm just a boy
who likes you more,
but ur cold!,
you want someone else?
the best of the best
I got it.I alywas got it
I'm not like the rest.
Forgive me...
you won,now your happy?
you'd better be
I would never be...
God,you did more damage
to me
than an I.E.D.
I'm downright depressive.

Maybe a little Vallium
with a shot of wkisky,
or something more cheap
like homemade moonshine
and a copuld of sleeping pills...
I dream of you,
you dream of me?
of course not,
for you and for all
I'm nothing more than
a surpluss.

It took me,more then 2hours
wrote it on my cell
it's 2 a.m.
you'd better say something
or else I go crazy,
c'mon,it's not that hard
at least fake it,
show that you care
She knows that this is for her
have a great week!
show them no mercy.
A couple of stubborn kids
never stopped you,
they never did.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Perturbed Discretion ,Promise me beyond 2010 .Decades of Decay, my life explained in my poetry

Perturbed discretion

Open up and smile, lie to me
Just do it beautifully,
I don’t care, your sheer presence
Makes me feel alive.
More often my nights and hours
lost time… become fragments
Of dealt guilt,
Not forgotten or accepted.

I just stare, amazed
How warm- cold are my emotions,
my fears feast on it,
Story’s emerge
and explain  themselves as
Speechless blackouts.

You have a life, your living it
do you really dare to ease up a little bit?
Having thoughts, emotions,
you expelled  them!
Turning around, showing no trauma
accepting just for now, when you get home
your feelings erup ,attacking you.
Shredding you in parts.
You try to do your best,
unanswered questions still remain.
Are you uncertain? always asking…
So how do you feel? In need of a change?
Or just keep doing the same.
Still waiting for a miracle?
I ask you please, explain!

Promise me beyond 2010

Grant me a single wish
my only one:
When life shall end
You’d be my sun,
maintaining my soul
keeping me alive,
With you on my side
I confront my fears,
I can’t die.
My pride, my glory my honor
Is called loyalty.

Tell me…
I’m begging’ on my knees
Can’t you see?
Don’t ask me to leave
you know that I can’t,
I’ve already ended a bound…
no brunette is higher than a blond.
She is beautiful, smart…
but you are the adored,
The First One!

I grant you 7 wishes
but in change, grant me just one:
Promise me!
 that you won’t leave me!
Promise me!,
You’d come!

Decades of Decay

Rotten, infested tress
inhabited by scavengers,
seeking in the midnights’ grasp
poor victims of innocent  pleasures.
Darkness hides screams of madness,
when people fall eaten by maggots’,
involved in this decomposition of the soul,
Soldier of Death takes them from underneath.

Paved roads, lead nowhere
following them recognizing my suicide,
Falling sideways hitting the pavement
blood in my veins’ spoiled by the calmness,
that gentle fall, gentle taste
It’s cold yet still warm, no hope,
my blood offers my shelter ,
black dark tress staring at me…
tall creature’s  scary genetics.

Bastions of a subestimated empire,
Soldiers that have seen decades of decay,
mercenaries hired by the Reaper
Grown  in human material.

I wake up, still laying on the cold pave.
still thinking about you
standing on my knees, crying…
I lose my conscience…
January’s witnessing

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