Caterie

Keep remembering fragments of you,
the jokes you've made,
the way you cheered me up,
the smiles you gave.

You tried your best
and I pushed,
to the limit where you were,
caught between given up
and seeing how much more can you take,
my thoughts are,
that it wasn't the right time for us.

I still was caught up in my own things,
didn't learned yet how to give them up,
and you were full of life,
of joyful thoughts,
I couldn't sync myself to stop,
to absolve everything ,
to enjoy and live the moment
with you,with us.

Never known what to say,
I always wrote  down an a sheet of paper,
as white as it was,
my every dark or coloured thought.

Something is wrong with me,
I am dark,nothing personal ,
just can't control myself.

I am lost,caught in a tangled web,
a maze a labyrinth of thoughts,
my deepness cries,
for the what if's
and what not's.