never say you did not know/`
and wait for that moment to come/`
and will never come /`
or will come too soon and take you by surprise


and than your sweet voice will die out
whispers will be stronger
and everything as we knew it will cease to exist
but only by throwing a symbol
you will come to understand

how easily can you give a moment to be
and you'll want that moment to last for years and years
but the anguish of pain, knowing when the void is almost near
almost close to that moment of peace
but you're young years pass,
you will sit next to your faithful companion named death

it will torment you for the rest of your life

and you can't change anything
and you want a moment to grasp the perfect sunrise

hate with indifference

"I always wanted the impossible because I never could handle the possible” Demeter Sz.

At least once in a life you must die for love

don’t be so selfish share It with me ,

don’t so cruel ,don’t make me change,

you learned my defined concept

 accepted applied the human principles.

Now I fear you might rebel,

 against my wishes

 I tremble well beneath the passive indifference,

you treat as it was war

there is peace at your heart?

Leave the hate behind, glorious future awaits us

 we could fight our way through  this man made hell

 reliving the pain opening the blockage,

come lets’ pass

 and with small steps we create our destiny,

a world of ours at our judgment

and it will prevail, because we are human.

Stages and stages

underneath the calmness ,

strange behavior witnessing the passing

nothing can hurt,

yet still getting offended,

words enjoy a sweet melody upon hearing them.

Whit noise disguised as a way of touching

without experiencing the feel,

all of this meant to play tricks on our minds.

Refusing the granted

by human nature is a marker,

is our way taking everything for granted

leaving the essentials away ,

asking ,begging ,than crying the tears

whipping them  with white silk.

Words are useless you never could hear them,

I am talking to you why don’t you listen?

Frankly I known that we’d never be

I hopped I was mistaken,

 I wasn’t wrong you love something else

 beauty in essence.

 Tried tried I never succeeded

I invented the term planted poison,

 must I fail again and again

or I am winning? whatever the outcome

 its about self-preservation,

 would you forget me? yes why not,

would forgive me?

 the answer is right in front,

I hate you with love,

I ignore you with attention

 all of this means I am human.

Understanding me you understand yourself

 we fight battles that cannot be won,

our goals in life differ

 but the passion to live our life are the same in each one,

now or never I ask you to step up

make up your mind

or you  will forever lose the man

 who truly loves you the way you are.

     

“I always wanted the impossible because I never could handle the possible” Demeter Sz.

Our life

Our life’s are  a drama

 lived in a bitter sweet song lyrics

we each fight our own battles,

never could negotiate a cease fire.

Planning escapes,

getting shouted at ,headaches…

we do everything

they don’t even thanks us

that’s great.

Instead they play us ,in one hand all in,

losing to them we feel hopeless,

the same two humanists

following a righteous cause,

one loves the other

more than she could count on,

ripped our we from a straight path,

nevertheless we have common thoughts

you somehow complete me,

why shouldn’t I too?

Enemies united,

could you stand near me?

for a last stand.

they attack at dusk,

you burry me at dawn.

Before all shall parish, all shall fall,

I want you to pledge allegiance to our song,

only we could hear it ,only we can stop it,

come my dear sit next to me

before you forever go,

to look one more time in my eyes,

these are not easy moments,

I feel your heart tremble,

but the departure is never simple.

Just go my dear with those smiling eyes,

leave the tears for another time

beautiful moments still awaits us,

now go…

Start pulling me out

Start pulling me out ,at the edge of the box,

 A small  burst of wind drops me right down,

At least you stop once in a while near that box,

Talk to me light me up ,

let me scream understand my misery

submit my voce to a highter plan of superficiality

My life’s a demo who decides when I put it out?

 Without you I am not mine

You are my dot in my sentences

 the starting capital word imagine,

 Trapped in a tiny box the air is thinner

 I  get out punching and hitting

 hurting and bleeding understand my misery

  come here save me

 spending my time discussing a locked topic

whatever the cost I am stuck

 thousand of  voices going insane

Only I can hear them

Closer to the breakpoint

painting my freedom something’s

 wrong it’s a grey picture

Standing on a wire rotating the wisdom

 of a fallen 24,7 outta 7

Shouting while spinning

a record made by silence

 playing a role cruel world all alone  in a 2 by 4

 staring  and dreaming

why don’t you listen

 I am friggin bleeding

hit me one more time

do yourself a favor rewind the tape pause play broken.

Let's play a new era

Come back let’s play a new era

let’s see could we survive,

move along on waves

you maintain me on balance,

shatter ourselves like a mirror  broken in pieces,

we reflect our love in optical illusions.

Travel million light-years ,follow the tail of a comet

we burst in colors, being the wish granters, happiest as ever,

you are my steer my brake,

 you make me accelerate,

you  make me different,

 you make me brave,

 the world seems a better place

with you in it.

If I’d kiss you,

I’d miss the taste of you lips

I’d miss your heartbeat

I miss you all day,

but what defines us ,makes up hate.

Couldn’t u said no more wait?

 instead you make me suffer. stabbing me ,enjoying  the taste?

flavor of red hot liquid bursting sideways

step and step,  with each of them crumble my soul,

with each word hurt me  more and more,

till I wont be anymore.

I forgive you  I always do,

because I love you it’s not your fault,

it’s mine I am so sorry

but this emptiness  in my soul is getting to big,

I am waiting the moment when it will explode,

 waiting the touch that  would leave me breathless,

leaves me to choke .

and I reprogram myself to hate hate hate

and destroy, to exile from the world.

If only you knew how much … you cause me

 never mind I understand you

 I really do.

Go find someone great, leave me behind

leave me to root,

 I express myself differently

but my love for you  is genuine, not fake.

I am loyal to the end

a big,a big  tragic mistake ,go find someone awesome and great.

Every night I come home

I fall  on my knees

 staring at the oblivion ,

in freezing  cold I see my breath

I exhale the substance of life,

 ohh how much I want but I cant ,

wonderful is silence

expressed by the breath you take,

the only sound  of true greatness

 hearing and feeling your heart keeping you alive,

 experienced in freezing  cold

the hearts beats lesser and lesser

 slower and slower till you say goodbye ,goodbye…

 I hate you with love.

Flash forward guess

Flash forward guess

It’s happening right now

I am missing you in my heart,

every move I make, each breath I take,

takes me closer to the edge

of my mistake.

I’d go back in november

turn around and change

I’d do anything I just want to feel okay.

All I want is your forgiveness

all I want is to hold you,

you remember that

we had such great times

 flash forward guess….

and start believing .

I miss you sweetheart

past had such great things,

tragically we always forget

 it’s to late come back,

 we will be together some day,

even do u might make

the wrong choices in the right times,

I will never ask for goodbyes.

We were all that I wanted more,

She and you and her

 kept it hidden now or ever…

almost forever.

I want to know

you’re an actress

said and changed the rules

stopped why?

You play with hearts,

in all this mess you could loose yours

Right?

Don’t leave like this

 it’s 5:58

 I want u in my place

to watch the birth of a new day.      made by the author D.Szilard protected licensed content

Assemble once more

that old forgotten soul

gather those roots,

 they extend, tens of meters underground.

Don’t search the surface,

search that depth,

 hidden for years

you can’t understand….

Deprived to find a meaning,

 barely seen light

 but highly experienced treason.

Open your arms

show them compassion,

with a little luck

they might forgive you.

October and Leaves that fall

Weather has changed, everything is new,

the only things remaining are my feelings for you.

Maybe you left,

wounding my soul…

A part of you remains at my hearts door,

beating a rhythm  just I can understand,

one violin, one sad story at the end.

When those broken sounds,

and your catching fragrance merge

making a poem, of the oblivion

layered in bittersweet sensations.

When the violins stop and that poem is not written,

life ends a cycle

and takes me with him.

Never shall I trust myself,

no music is playing… condemned to silence,

a thousand violins could play

I could never hear them.

Leaves that fall

Leaves that fall…

they could be compared to us all,

lost each other in the chaos that followed.

Without one and another they are not the same,

they are falling to the ground,

and that’s the only thing

they have in common.

Misery soon follows,

destiny plays the cards right

always wins, taking us out.

We are soldiers of luck

on a field scattered with landmines,

blindfolded and uselessly carrying  big guns.

We had our orders,

we gone rogue that’s fine,

let me hug you, hold your hand

and take a couple of steps…

I never say goodbye

not even at the end.

Divers

White dove

September days

We can order chinese ,

you could paint and I could make funny faces.

At 2 am we’d make prank calls

than laugh because one guy thought

that he been called by a mouse.

Or just stay up late

watching low budget films.

and still having a great time.

Than go outside in the middle of the night,

scream and shout than sit down.

Holding our hands

and just stare at the stars,

thanking The Lord

that He brought us together,

and making us the

Happiest couple.

Just me and you,

the dog and a large phone bill,

I am telling you …I love you from the bottom of my heart

and that’s all I want,

and if you could love me to…

 I’ll be happy… 

Parts of my truth

" I wanted to believe that I had a chance,this way I never stopped loving you" quote Demeter Sz.
" I miss you even do we never met" quote Demeter Sz.
" War is when human engineering ,meets human conscience" quote Demeter Sz.
  

Read carefully!

I am searching for a job abroad if someone know's something please contact me, or leave a comment.thank you.


or at a private security company in Afganistan!

Just some thoughts

Strictly known only by the two of us,

trying to speak you don’t let me

guide me to the truth,

if I don’t listen drag me in front of it

with your words explain that

I am not worth a chance, change me to become the opposite.

Years of concealing in my heart deepest place,

only I  know how much you mean to me,

but you cease to believe in me.

It happened in plain site

how can I resist? I know,I know I can’t touch

I just want to talk…

Or is it that to much?...I can’t give up

you are my goal, decades could pass

I will be waiting for an answer,

do whatever just to prove I am better

because of you.

Made it in twent

Expected me to give up easily

believing it will reduce the conflict between us,

but the issue I have, my words do not hurt,

all I said was something innocent spontaneous.

Even if you’d give a part of me away

I will let you without any delay,

I just want to look at your moves

there is nothing to improve....

Your eyes do not cease to follow me,

think I did…pretty much what you asked me.

As I imagine

As I imagine

As I imagine you

a flawless shape an orchid among humans,

my shoulders carry a guilt, my love,

bitter sweet is my thrill seeking heart.

But my heart is untouched

dust covers it,

the key to unlock it…

a song sang by a thousand crickets,

…………..

it reminds me of a dawn in august.

Is it my fault… if I dare to dream?

wanting that piece,

you are the one completing me.

Dreamt of a human amongst human beings

I hope you can love,

Let’s see to that,that will never be apart

Truly revealed

Truly revealed

…and you don’t answer

still trying to reach you,

my hopes slowly fade away in august…

Witnessing your liberation

free emotional boundaries,

if life opens you a door or a window

you choose to choke the past.

Forget about that foolish dreamer.

forget about that tired seeker,

run away now hide from the emission

transmitted by a gentle whisper.

Evolving you felt the reason to leave

because it’s easier this way I know.

we met we talked in the past

borders of a civilized world tease you…?

Foreign language, different color.

I saw you grown

not anymore that sweet vulnerable girl,

think your even? ignore me and step sideways

let me hit the wall.

Nevermore I shall go beyond my fear

I have lost you.

Time can change, if you lack individuality

lack that courage to enjoy an open talk,

right next to a boy

who cares about you more

by the day.

Black glasses close the direct contact,

dressed in white

you feel innocent or just trying to be?

You trusted me ,still do I presume

offer me that window and I will give you air,

and release  that blockage

To 0 to infinity

Make my heart whole again

come to me hold my hand.

Walk 12 passes tell me once,

tell a thousand times,

I want to hear it from you sweetheart.

I want to feel your presence

every moment of my life

Take breakfast with you

wishing  u good morning.

you mean the whole world to me

to a to z, to 0 to infinity.

I want you near me

think about the great times will have.

It’s a pleasure I admire you,

you got something noble, special

and I really love you.

Hundred miles plus -minus 2,

I stare at the moon I stare at you,

searching for those eyes

I get sidetracked,it’s never easy for my,

you deserve better than that.

I give you all that I have

and a little more,

I give you my heart, my soul.

Please don’t walk all over it.

Without you I am in cardiac arrest

perform CPR or else I’m dead.

Volume: ,,She”

I am looking for a job abroad,if you can offer me a job,please contact me at crackerdemeter@yahoo.com.thanks.




Volume: ,,She”

Years 08”-10” The Search

Never knowing what is going to happen, it always stalks you finding you, you never know when is going to happen, in 08” it happened.

         I thought it was a dream, I thought that she was real…

I went through hell and back,through  fire, humiliation and total chaos, on uncharted grounds I found myself carrying a guilt….I wanted her, wanted her love, her sweet voice telling me great words…

         It all went wrong ended up bad. The hero after all he went through, taking up all the challenges wins, but never gets his prize.

I dreamt of her, I saw her walking; I wanted…I ran to her, but I never could reach her, she looked back smiled…and I never could

         She haunts me, she kills me, only I want her, she is the embodiment of eternity.

             08” The Distress Call

I listened to her message thousands of times, I wanted to help her.

In the Void I saw her again, she called me by my name: ,, My soldier J.D. come to me..”, told me that she loved me..

I stud right next to her, I felt her voice, her touches vibrating in my heart

            I went  through hell and back, only to find out that she died.

  I followed a chimera all this time, I followed her…she was so real….she was alive.

        I dropped to my knees, I started asking myself:,, Am I crazy? “,, Where is She? “ I was alone this whole time, but it can’t be, she was here with me, that beautiful girl, her calm voice, her sweet voice….

“You truly live only when you found your soul mate”

Demeter Szilard

Lost I am without them

Understanding not much,

not even the obvious.

Seeking a meaning

dream away my thoughts

wishing this and wishing that…..

Someday it’s all gona end.

Wake up in a late dawn,

young but ageing,

life is wasting resources and love,

moments of pure one to one talk.

Missing out on episodes

I breathe in deep.

not fully comprehending how bitter is the path.

Where is my happy ending?

Where are they?

They all left…

I miss this part of my life

I miss everything need help,

why I am trying to do things in a right way?

I always lose something, I have lost her

and her and another her.

Lost I am without them.