Caterie

Keep remembering fragments of you,
the jokes you've made,
the way you cheered me up,
the smiles you gave.

You tried your best
and I pushed,
to the limit where you were,
caught between given up
and seeing how much more can you take,
my thoughts are,
that it wasn't the right time for us.

I still was caught up in my own things,
didn't learned yet how to give them up,
and you were full of life,
of joyful thoughts,
I couldn't sync myself to stop,
to absolve everything ,
to enjoy and live the moment
with you,with us.

Never known what to say,
I always wrote  down an a sheet of paper,
as white as it was,
my every dark or coloured thought.

Something is wrong with me,
I am dark,nothing personal ,
just can't control myself.

I am lost,caught in a tangled web,
a maze a labyrinth of thoughts,
my deepness cries,
for the what if's
and what not's. 

Alta

One day in another life,
we collide,
shatter in pieces,
rebuild as a whole,
once more I can have you,
look into your eyes,
when they are smiling back at me
with joy with love.

Embrace you in an eternal hug,
never let you go,
my love.

I wonder if out souls
live eternal ?
Reborn again,different time,
different set.

I wonder if I met you
in another life,long time ago?
What we were,because I felt so connected to you
in this one,and I wonder if I see you again
in a different time ,different set.

Felt close to you,so good
like a met you before,
I need answers, need more.

You told me once
you felt the same,
so what is the lesson,
should we learn and gain ?

And if we learn that lesson
we still be together ?
Or things change.
Either way you marked my heart,
engraved my soul.

Still

Still can't believe
I am alone,and she is not with me
can't embrace nor settle down
to me everything right now,
seems pointless like empty ground.

Each decision lacks confidence
acting on impulse,not on ration,
lost o lot of time,
never will I learn my lesson.


Life carried me along,
forward to the break of dawn,
gave me chances,gave me hope
but I am here,still feel alone.

My mind sometimes forgets,
but my heart hurts,regrets.
Once in a while a lonely thought
brings me back to what I have lost.

Never again

I miss her
because I let her in the home of my soul
gave her the key and free will.
Sometimes I miss her laughter
as it echoes inside my mind,my head.
Sometimes I miss her smile
as it flashes in my eyes.
Sometimes I miss her kisses
the warm embrace of her lips.
Sometimes I wish I could have done,
more for me,for her ,for us.

Probably I will remember her
to the day I am gone,
never going to see her,
never is going to be what it was.

EXpect

Maybe I expected a couple of weeks more,

now at the ending a whisper 

or a kind word,a gesture a farewell.

The world is big,maybe we collide,

maybe in this vast land,our eyes catch up again,

in a crowd ,in a distant land.

Foreign to us,but we feel familiar again

enjoy a coffee with a select words spoken,

but our hearts restlessly awoken ,

and once more they beat a rhythm ,

long time ago thought forgiven.

Always thought,

that the world is big enough,

to cover our tracks,

to hide ourselves .

Warrior of light

Life taught me
that I am inexperienced,
yet not fully aware.

Taking things for granted
need to show fear.,
fear of loss,
appreciate what I have,
what I have won,
fear of life,hold tight!
Be strong!Hold my temper.

Judge whilst  blood is cold
hold down on anger,
have patience, keep calm
good things will come.

I believe that dearly
don't lose hope
and love yourself baby.

Reborn

I depart from my past love,
still wounded still hurt.
I move forward unto dawn
don't know the path .


I realize I been negative
all my life,
always unhappy ,
always miserable .

I need to search deep within
heal myself ,
more then skin deep .
Need my mind at ease.

Happy thoughts
to conjure .
Positive vibes in my soul,
change my madness .
Reborn. 

Sweet pain

I followed my heart
blindfolded with lust ,
Even the past
the small imperfections ,
I loved you beyond .

I loved you like
there was nothing for me out there .
Loved you on the edge of my sanity ,
lost you in me incomprehensibility.

And when I did
I lost myself ,
Shattered in pieces
far beyond my grasp.

No horizon in front
I stood there and watched ,
a broken self ,
building against...
A beacon of hope ,
a creator of strength.

Creator

When you shatter
In pieces of a puzzle
Pieces that you thought you lost
You lose yourself in the creation itself .

Rebuild yourself
From a foundation of trust
Rebuild yourself
And stay true to yourself .

You are a master
A slave to none
A creator of your kingdom
A king of your domain .

Fight like a Spartan
Love like there's no tomorrow
Live the moment
Live the fullest .

All that is not

I ran so as I thought
from all that is there ,
and all that is not.

A misfit among all,
lost in comfort
don't  wanna stop.

I thought I am rational,
but i am not.
Reckless behavior.


Stupid decisions
all I lost ...
I taken from myself.

Control

Perhaps I shouldn't
Build up such a crazy desire
Inside that burns with eyes on fire

Can never be free ,because I am always on the run
Hiding from my own reality,for how long .
Can I still evade can I still postpone
I am 27 should I still go on ?

Ended up now taking some risks
Leaving the comfort enjoying the sins
Plunging into unknown,feeling the shock
Absorbing everything that comes ...


I believe what I see,I believe myself
But underneath all I still lying
Still afraid of all.
Life is brutal won't forgive nor forget
If I am going though hell
Surely I won't stop .


There is a place for me also
Somewhere above
Hopes dies last.
And when it does
Abandon all,Abandon yourself.


2017 január 25

amidst

    Amidst my thoughts
I share a blank stare,
surrounded by confusion,
I despair...

Lost I am not,
but uncertain of the path to take,
kill myself ,
dance on my grave.

Caught up
by my own mistakes,
loud voices, I shout
inside my confused thoughts.

Lost.. I am not,
but neither found,
taken,but now alone,
either way I am gone.

In toate un glas

si cand credeam ca am gasit oaza de liniste,ca am gasit-o pe Ea

             ,Ea un moment de liniste in aceasta lume asurzitoare,asi fi vrut sa te stiu ca pe o limba moarta sa iti cunosc doar eu toate secretele,tu sa fi un fragment dintr-un vers lipsa,care o ador,sa fi o enigma completandu-mi misterul .

                          Dar probabil te voi pierde caci pierzandu-te  dorul ma va călăuzi pana ce  tu vei fi doar un alt obisnuit,dar te voi tine minte,vocea ta pasiunea din ea,tristetea bucuria, un amalgam de trairi din ea te voi tine minte si candva imi vei reaminte ce am pierdut.

Si ce pierd in continuare,Ea find una dintre Acele,sau poate chiar Ea.

                  Tot ce voiam,tot ce aveam, pierdeam prin simplul fapt ca refuzam.Tot ce asi fi vrut nu o sa am.Totul un vartej,totul doar fum,o spirala al unei nevoi ce a resimt din plin,nevoie de noi,nevoie de dor.Sa simt din nou.
           


            Timpul te invata
             sa nu iti mai pasa
             Ea te linisteste 
            rade puternic,rade fericita
             tot ce zice Ea,timpul nu iarta.


              Te pierde Ea,te regasesti in Ea
               dar Ei tot nu ii va pasa
               Dar tu prin un zambet surd
                O asculti,O simti,O vrei
               Te abtii caci te stii
               Ca tu niciodata nu vei simti


                   Timpul nu iti va permite
                   sa traiesti cu ea cum vrei
                    Tu te pierzi si ierti,
                    Si o vrei fericita
                   Dar tu nu stii ce vrei
                  De teama,de tine.

                 
                 

                         

Till

Till I almost hate
mornings,evenings ,days
fuck you it's ok
fuck you because I want to
fuck you I don't give a fuck
it's always the fuck before all.



and after all the fuck
I just don't really give a fuck
you had my time my heart
you fucked it up
yeah you fucked up
yes I fuck you,
it's all gone.

the fuck

Mercy

"I don’t want to be at the mercy of my

 emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them,

 and to dominate them."

Speechless voices

After all, the fall is sweet

words hurt so deep,

a dying of a simple soul,

It’s not quite eternal…

Made of glass,

shatter once more

break ourselves,

in a thousand and more.

Pieces of us

everywhere we go,

remind us sweetheart.

Mortals!

Sins of the flesh

we crave for lust

devour our love,

 in speechless voices

Inside our souls.

Senseless desires

U I carry on my unexpressed lips

words I swallow just to keep,

eyes search for something missed.

bodies align to reap,

havoc on a silent night.

fall in and out,we lose sight,

but keep in touch

we wage war,we the frontline.

head through a storm

it shreds us in senseless desires,

above and beyond

reckless and higher.

Flaw of a love

february  bring to me
the flaw of a love
 that sickened me.


tempt me to quit,
to reach out, grasp the cold,
to embrace that
emptyness is a form.


tempt me to quit,
make me fall so deep,
to feel lost, to feel weak.

make me do things that I regret,
make me sadder at the end,
make me whatever u want,
just do it quick 
before I'm gone.


it's not quit right
the things we want,
the loves we had
the lyes told,
they rotten the soul,
and prevail us
to be a whole.

Te va salva

      Poate lucrurile nu sunt chiar cum ti-ai imaginat...numai un pic...incep asa...

Te-ai trezit  intr-o dimineata pur si simplu sfâșiat de panica si anxietate,intr-un minut poate zeci si zeci de ganduri se năpustesc asupra ta,iar tu doar,tu doar suferi nefiind capabil sa faci nimic?
                               Te cuprinde întreaga viata traita intr-un bol din sticla ,cu suficient aer cat de cat sa nu te sufoci,cand totul ti-se pare cladit din carti de joc pe un fundal de nisip miscator...cand totul pare pierdut cand te pierzi cand incepi sa nu respiri cum trebuie cuprins de teroarea viitorului,cand stii ca vei pierde tot,ii vei pierde pe toti cei apropiati tie, al caror voci si fete le vezi in fata ta,le auzi in mintea ta, ti-se sfasie inima,te simti pustiit... 
                     Te trezesti in acea dimineata mai ales in februarie,speriat si cu gandul de a imbratisa pe cineva,dar te intinzi prin pat,iti intinzi bratele sperand ca vei cuprinde pe cineva,ca vei atinge o fiinta calda care la randul ei te va cuprinde si ea,si in acel moment nu te vei mai simti pierdut,speriat,si sfasiat de panica,te vei simti iubit,dorit,mai viu ca niciodata,mai dornic sa iti traiesti viata ca niciodata.
                                   Dar...
iti intinzi bratele,si nu este nimeni acolo,nimeni!!!
Si in acea dimineata de februarie,frig, si nuante de gri, frig si tu singur zaci acolo in acele momente...stiind ca nimeni nu te va salva.

                    Trec si acele momente, iti revii usor,te obliga viata,rutina sa iti revii,aproape ca uiti,dar vei tine minte .
          Ce vei face in continuare...?

......

Storm of a real She

     Storm of a real She


cold is the morning ,when I wake up
afraid of the fact that I'm mortal
I fear death
I feel lost,
felt lost in my dreams
which I forgot in 5 minutes
upon woken up

thoughts about what im going to do
scare  me,getting nowhere fast
nobody wakes me up
no warm lips kissing me
sweet tender love

no voice in the backround
telling me take care
I love you so much.
the routine slowly kills me
oh dear oh God,
days pass through  me
I'm passing through life.

where is the one
that calls me by my name
and hugs me so much
and puts  together once more
all my broken parts.